


Dear Jean,

by Ikaripoid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU in which Marco doesn't die at Trost, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4230537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikaripoid/pseuds/Ikaripoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short letter from Marco to Jean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Jean,

Dear Jean,

 

            It’s been a while since we talked. So… There’s that.

 

            I’m sorry if I’m a little awkward sounding, I’ve never been too good at writing letters. Every time I write letters, I’m not sure what to say, so I just end up writing what I’m thinking. I guess it’s not bad, just awkward. But you know me, I’m an awkward kind of guy, ha.

 

            But… Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen your face, heard your voice, looked into your eyes and just… Talked. Like we used to always do in our trainee days. Do you remember those nights we spent, lying in the bunk together and chatting about nothing, laughing at stupid jokes, being loudly shushed by Armin? I do. Those were some of my favorite times. I really miss you.

 

            I went into Survey Corps, not sure if you know that or not. I followed Eren there. I know you’ll probably be upset or a little grouchy about the fact that it was because of Eren, and not by my own decision, but it’s okay. I like seeing your grouchy face, it’s kind of cute. The way you resemble a toddler. Does that make me a pedophile? I hope not. Anyways, the Survey Corps is pretty great. All of our friends joined, and it’s like being in the Trainee Corps again, except with more danger and the ever-present fear of being eaten by titans.

 

            Do you remember Corporal Levi? The kind of short man with the undercut and the Survey Corps uniform, nicknamed “Humanity’s Strongest”? Well, I had the honor of talking to him for the first time the other day, and he was actually nicer than he looked. Surprising, considering you could probably fit three days of rations in the bags under his eyes and I’m not sure if his forehead ever un-creases. He’s a little crude, but actually rather nice. He has a great sense of leadership, too. His squad seems to trust him almost unconditionally. Did I mention Eren is part of his squad too? Eren and the Corporal seem to get along much better than you and Eren ever did, but the way Corporal Levi’s eyes start to narrow when Eren talks too much reminds me of the way yours always did. But I like your eyes better, I always did.

 

            Another great thing about the Survey Corps is being outside the walls. I know I always said that I had wanted to join the Military Police, in the very center of the walls, serving the king, but I don’t think I could ever do that now. Being outside the walls is freeing. Nerve-wracking and full of titans, but so freeing. The air feels cleaner, and the sky seems bluer, but most of all, it feels like _freedom_. I understand why the Survey Corps’ uniform has wings on it, because it feels so open, so free, that I feel like I have wings. I wish I could share this feeling with you.

 

            But one thing I hate about life now is that I have to spend it without you. I miss the tiny smiles you used to give me in the middle of lectures. I miss hiding little pieces of bread and meat inside our jackets to nibble on later in our bunks, whispering and laughing about how mad Shadis got at Sasha for stealing another potato. I miss your strong personality, I miss your face, I miss your little sarcastic quips. I miss the way you used to ruffle my hair when I woke up sleepy and grouchy. I miss running my hands through your hair, loving how soft it felt. I miss how you used to kiss me when no one was looking, then turning a brilliant shade of red, whisper how much you loved me.

 

            I miss you Jean, I really do.

 

            It’s a horrible way of thinking, and I hate every second that I do it, but sometimes I wish that things were different. That I didn’t have to write this letter, that I didn’t have to wipe the tears off the paper as I write.

 

            Sometimes I wish I had been the one slumped against that wall, half torn apart, after the Battle of Trost. If only I was the one burned in that pile of bodies, and not you, and if only, _if only_ , I wasn’t the one carrying a tiny piece of charred bone, _your_ bone, as the only reminder of you I have left.

 

            I don’t know why I’m still writing this letter, since I’m only going to burn it with all the rest I’ve written in the past year.

 

            I hope reincarnation is real. I hope that everyone I’ve known who’s died horrible, terrible deaths they didn’t deserve get another chance at a happy life. I hope you get another chance, and I hope I get another chance to spend it with you.

 

            I love you.

 

 

            Marco Bodt

**Author's Note:**

> it's short and horrible but I hope it's not too horrible.


End file.
